Cheap Candy

BadmintonStamps has seen the future and it's named Turning Movies Into Broadway Musicals. First there was The Producers and Lion King, then Hairspray, and now Legally Blonde. These roaring and/or soaring successes of cinema-to-live-performance transference inspired us deeply. So, over the last few months, we've been busy securing the theatrical rights to several high profile films, and are thrilled to announce five new Broadway productions that we hope to have on the Great White Way next season. Here's a preview:

Beverly Hills Cop 3
The showcase acquisition for BadmintonStamps' Musical Division. The original film has all of the elements to make a great movie musical. First off, it's not very good, which means we don't have to concern ourselves with living up to the high standards of the source material or alienating a hardcore fanbase. Second off, insert second reason here. And finally, Judge Reinhold. He reprises the role that made him more famous than he was after Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but less famous than he was after Beverly Hills Cop 1 and 2. Who knew he had the pipes? BadmintonStamps, that's who. All the way to the bank.

Fade to Black
Get ready to place a Tony next your Oscar on the mantel, Jennifer Hudson, because your turn as Timbaland in this musical based on the Jay-Z concert doc will have critics rejoicing, "I've got 99 problems, but this hit ain't one!" Music and lyrics by Tim Rice.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
This is not a musical based on the Beatles album. That would cost us some Beatles money, and Beatles money we don't have. Instead we've decided to make a musical version of the late 1970s film version of the Beatles album that starred Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees. Those rights cost us some Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees money, so we gots it for cheap.

Hostel
Maury Goldbergsteinowitz, the head of Badminton's Musical Division, is always telling us that the key to Broadway success lies in following the KKK: Kids, Killers, and Kick-Ass Tunes! Well this baby has it all. A parade of handsome young theater actors sing their hearts out as they slum it at a Rent-like mayhem filled Hostel. "My Love Will Rip Out Your Fingernails" is the Act 1 ending showstopper that'll have you screaming for more!

Birth of a Nation
This one might have been a mistake.

Comin' atcha first thing every Monday morning, it's The Pony Track, a super-fantastic short distance dedication to BadmintonStamps Collective founding member and internationally renown symbol for musical excellence Aaron "Pony" Child. No fancy links, no clever write-ups, 'cause these awesome songs don't need no splainin'. So c'mon, ride the pony!

The Decider

Rappers are always talking about how they are going to fuck my girl. Why? Please don't do that. It's really wrong to mess with another man's lady, especially someone who is paying money to have you entertain them. Everyone from Snoop to Ghostface, artists that I idolize and promote, claim that if I blink my eyes they will be teaching "my boo" or "my bitch" or "my ho" or "my steady girlfriend" sexual maneuvers beyond my wildest dreams and embarrassing me in front of the entire hip hop community. This really pisses me off and causes great anxiety. Even Chronikill, a rap group consisting of three of my best friends in the world, have a new song where they claim they'll, "Take your girl, then we'll take the train." But you know my girl! She's one of your sisters! Okay, they don't have sisters, but that's not the point. When I get married these guys are going to be in the wedding party, and now I have to worry about them sexifying wifey with their flow 'n beats and then whisking her away on the D train. That's why I like this Mims character. Sure he tells me right there in the hook that I'm not hot like him. But he also claims, "Find me with different women that you niggas never had." Thank you! Mims is going to focus on his own cadre of club chicks with banging bodies; he's not interested in my boo/bitch/ho/steady. Because Mims is a professional, and a professional respects his audience even if that means not having sex with their boo/bitch/ho/steadies.

Comin' atcha first thing every Monday morning, it's The Pony Track, a super-fantastic short distance dedication to BadmintonStamps Collective founding member and internationally renown symbol for musical excellence Aaron "Pony" Child. No fancy links, no clever write-ups, 'cause these awesome songs don't need no splainin'. So c'mon, ride the pony!

SkinnySlim will be out of commission for the next week and a half. In the meantime, he will present some of his favorite songs from the history of time. "Hey," you say, "I want the hysterical and insightful writing of the 'Slim. Why are you cheating me?" Well, my friend, if you don't listen up, the only cheating going on will be the cheating you're doing to yo' self. Sucker.

SkinnySlim will be out of commission for the next week and a half. In the meantime, he will present some of his favorite songs from the history of time. "Hey," you say, "I want the hysterical and insightful writing of the 'Slim. Why are you cheating me?" Well, my friend, if you don't listen up, the only cheating going on will be the cheating you're doing to yo' self. Sucker.

SkinnySlim will be out of commission for the next week and a half. In the meantime, he will present some of his favorite songs from the history of time. "Hey," you say, "I want the hysterical and insightful writing of the 'Slim. Why are you cheating me?" Well, my friend, if you don't listen up, the only cheating going on will be the cheating you're doing to yo' self. Sucker.

SkinnySlim will be out of commission for the next week and a half. In the meantime, he will present some of his favorite songs from the history of time. "Hey," you say, "I want the hysterical and insightful writing of the 'Slim. Why are you cheating me?" Well, my friend, if you don't listen up, the only cheating going on will be the cheating you're doing to yo' self. Sucker.